I JUST RICKROLL'D MYSELF

...anywho.

My big 2-1 is coming up! Meaning you'll get a lot more drunken talks with me on AIM in the future I SHALL NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN

No, but for serious, be safe drinkers. Here are a few fun tips for drinking safe (and let me know if you disagree, or heard something else, or want to add) (and these are all without research, let me know if I've messed something up):

-fill up on food first. I've heard people go 'NUH-UH' but food helps slow the absorption of alcohol. If you get a lot of alcohol in your stomach at once, that has a tendency to increase your acid production by the stomach, which makes you feel nauseous... no fun. If you want to get more detailed, salty foods will make you drink more water, and carbs decrease the likelihood of low blood sugar, so carbs ease nausea. But that doesn't matter so much as long as you get something in you.

-drink lots of water. Your hypothalamus thinks EtOH is water, and thinks that you are plenty hydrated, so it decreases ADH output (anti-dieuretic hormone, although that's probably spelled wrong) which means that your body doesn't take up as much water. What I mean is, you race like a pisshorse, and end up dehydrated the next day, which is never fun and just increases the horribleness of the hangover you could end up with. Plus, drinking water decreases your alcohol intake, which is good.

-In general, though, alternating between alcohol and non-alcoholic things helps diffuse the alcohol in your stomach and slow absorption.

-Know your limit, okay? This might take trial and error, but don't go downing shots your first night out. Go slowly, and once you can't touch your nose while closing your eyes (with arm outstretched, bending at elbow), you might want to slow down. (Touching your nose with eyes open doesn't count; the whole test is to see if you've lost your sense of self, a weird concept I'm not going into.)

-GET A DD. Flip for it before you go out. But have one person there who is NOT DRINKING ANYTHING who will drive you home if you are drunk, and be able to judge that. The typical rule is that this person gets free sodas all night long.

-Drink grain alcohol. Wood alcohol makes you go blind. It's used in the production of formaldehyde. It's not real alcohol. It swells the optic nerve which is IRREVERSIBLE DAMAGE and you'll be lucky if you DON'T DIE. You are not SUPPOSED to drink it. Do NOT put it in your mouth.

-Cheaper alcohol has more bad shit in it, and thus will give you a worse hangover (as a general rule). The less clear your alcohol is (rum versus vodka) the more bad shit it has. Apparently.

-Don't be peer pressured by your friends. D: They can pretend to be the vomit-spewing dragon later; YOU decide how much you will be drinking, and thus you will be more likely to not worship the Porcelain God the next morning.

-If you're feeling nauseous anyway, drink water. Even if you do end up throwing up, it's all diluted and less horrible for you. And drink water afterwards because you lose a lot. WATER IS GOOD. Trust me on this one.

-In my personal experience, sugary drinks (like some Schnapps) cause a hangover that makes you want to gauge your eyes out. I often drink like one Goldschlager shot and avoid it for the rest of the night. It's a treat, not something of of which to get drunk.

-If someone is unconscious and cannot be roused, vomiting, having seizures, and/OR very cold/blue, call for an ambulance (you don't have to wait for all of these symptoms; please don't, actually). Those are all symptoms of alcohol poisoning. Why is that bad? It basically depresses the activity of some of your autonomic nervous functions like breathing or heartbeat (or the gag reflex, preventing choking) and can stop them. Bad times. And BAC can still be rising if they have alcohol in their stomach, so don't just think a person can sleep it off.


Additional things I found due to research:

-Caffeine does NOT reduce the effects of alcohol. I didn't even know this was an urban myth. All I remember is drinking three energy drinks in two hours mixed with rum. I could feel each individual cell vibrating.

-Contradicting views on mixing drinks... Experts believe that drinking weak-then-strong, or strong-then-weak alcohol doesn't matter so much as 'hey, you're putting a LOT of shit into your body.' Other empirical evidence disagrees (beer before liquor, never sicker!). Plus self-tested (first and only hangover, but then again I had LOT to drink overall). I put it down here because I had to look it up to check out the rumors.



If you have something to add or refute, let me know. A lot of this is just what I learned in class or in life. Science professors seem to think that if they talk about keggers in class it'll help the students pay attention.

...they are totally right.

(Also, if you have drink suggestions (COMMON drinks) then let me know. )


...PS WHY AM I TELLING YOU GUYS ALL THIS YOU'RE PROBABLY DRUNK RIGHT NOW AS I TYPE XP WHY WOULD I KNOW I'M NOT EVEN LEGAL DRINKING AGE GAAAAAAHLDASGLNLSD